A step-by-step guide to finding love in 1991

Old music videos are amazing; the more terrible, the better. Don’t ask why, but I recently watched the vid for Amy Grant’s 1991 bop “Every Heartbeat” AND IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT. In fact, despite being 25 years old, it was chock-full of love lessons for our modern times. Say sayonara to your singleness, my friends (and hello to alliteration? um anyway). Ready to find love in the early ’90s? Like hell you are!

1. Dress like you mean it.

A polka dot dress is good. Coordinating with a polka dot background, umby, AND dalmatian puppy is even better. Worrying about “being too matchy-matchy” is so 2016.

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Can we talk about the blue tent Amy also wears? How many people are hiding inside? Like Puppy Surprise, a favorite childhood toy also from 1991 (COINCIDENCE?!), you never know: there could be three, or four, or fiiiiiive!

just no.

2. Go to work.

Having a female mechanic seems pretty progressive for 1991. Nicely done, Amy. I’ll let you think of your own terrible car/love metaphors while you enjoy this Harlequin romance novel cover video still:

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Looks like SOMEBODY’s heart needs a tune-up! (Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.)

3. Just kidding, go to the laundromat.

Together with the late-’90s editions of the American Eagle catalog, this video perpetuates the harmful myth that the laundromat is a magical place where you could have a meet-cute with a hunky intellectual:

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Style inspo: Gwen Stefani, “Simple Kind of Life”

At least a decade before it was cool, Gwen Stefani was rocking bubblegum pink hair in the 2000 music video for “Simple Kind of Life.” I grew up Sans MTV (always a favorite excuse for my maladjustment) and only recently watched the vid. And, um, it’s awesome! (Mostly. Why the fuck is that baby wearing so much eyeliner?!) Marie Antoinette vibez, ’90s alt-princess vibez, and killer hair, PLUS the perfect angsty heartbreak of the song itself. Something about the way she sings “You seem like/you’d be a good dad” is coy and flirty yet desperate and almost, gasp, TRAGIC. Just the feeling of grasping, of something slipping through your fingers: happiness? what you imagined adulthood and love would be? It makes me want to curl up in a ball and time-travel back to the ’90s. ALL THE FEELS!

(p.s. the image quality isn’t great because the video is so old. be thankful for high-def, kids.)

gwen stefani pink hairgwen stefani pink hair simple kind of life music video no doubt

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